My Girl….

My heartfelt thanks to all who have been asking about My Girl, I have the saddest of news to report, in that we had to take her to the PDSA yesterday, as an emergency it being a Bank Holiday, and they checked her over and found her kidneys had almost failed completely.  It was time to say goodbye to my beautiful, brave girl and we did, my ex and I, with tears and heavy hearts as they gave her the final injection.  We brought her body back to her garden and she is now buried behind the Yew tree where she loved to sniff and play.

We are in total shock and disbelief but we knew the time had come to let her go, as there was no doubt she was in pain and there was no way back. For the past week we had been trying to help her regain her appetite, feeding her everything tasty we could think of, but to no avail. Tears have been shed by the bucket load and are not far away every minute I think of her, and I want to thank Arlene especially for the wonderful painting she did of My Bess which I have been staring at and remembering Bess as she was, bright as a button and forever playful.

Pen

Alarm & Bess…

 

 

Eyes
watch the dial,
eyes on the time
I don’t know why
I wait for the chime,
to say its time to get out of bed
I wake first, as the alarm seems in my head…

LadyP © 2011

 

This past week has been very, very painful to live through, on finding out from the vets that Bess’s blood test on Tuesday showed that she has possible Kidney failure. They took her off her usual painkillers (as they were not recommended to be taken with this disease) but they did not think to replace them with any other meds. So from Tuesday ‘til Friday she was steadily going downhill by losing her ability to walk at all with her Osteoarthritis. I rang the vets and got an appointment on Friday to talk over the results and to find out why she couldn’t have any pain relief. They suggested Steroids but needed to check with the manufacturers to make sure they were ok to be taken with Bess’s problems.

This was Friday, and on Saturday morning Bess’s left front leg could not be moved without causing her instant pain.   We called the vet as soon as the surgery opened on Saturday morning, 9 0’clock, and had to wait for her to have a free slot to talk to us. My ex is a rock at the moment and he answered the phone when she finally rang at 11 o’clock, giving the ok , and ex went to fetch the pain killers. She’s been on them since Saturday morning and enough to say that this morning she was playing ball and staggering around barking at me tidying the garden.  My girl is no longer in pain, and although I know the road ahead is not going to be smooth,  until she has no quality of life left we will work through every pitfall.

I must admit that on Saturday morning I sat with her in my arms, watching as she was a tight ball of pain, and crying my eyes out as I was so helpless to do anything, waiting and praying for the vet to ring us with news about the Steroids, and both my ex and myself were wondering about asking for the final Injection,  to ease her suffering.  I have an almost hatred of Vets at the moment, at their seeming uncaring, unthinking attitude. We pay for a high degree of care, and Bess’s records show she needs pain killers, so why was she left without them for so long, and why was it left to us to ask for them?

We have another appointment tomorrow,  and we have to take a Urine sample with us, ( games ahead trying to catch her at it!!)  but hopefully the sample will show good results.  My fingers are crossed so , so tightly…

Which is why I thought I’d better let you know why I haven’t updated, and also why I haven’t been able to answer comments and visit anyone’s blogs.

I‘m lucky in that I can work from home, and my ex will help too. I would ask that you please pray for my girl, and may I thank you in advance for reading this, as I know I’m wittering on, but it has been almost a cathartic way of getting rid of the pain and feeling of helplessness inside.

LadyP… 2011

The Thought and The Dream

I could but dream of times gone by

when wishes might come true

I could only dream, let thoughts fly

before I dreamt , my love,  of you

You fill my dreams, my waking hours

you make breathing worth the inhale

where eyes only had time for showers

now they shine with life, without fail

I did but dream of times gone by

where wishes have come true

I love my life, the thoughts let fly

as I live and still dream through you….

LadyP © 2011

A Halloween Tale…

 

Let me tell you a story of a room with no view,
the windows are boarded, it’s door is locked too
no way can you enter this dark scary place,
as a man so alone wants to see no-ones face.

For many long years he’s lived locked inside
this room with no view, this place he can hide
deathless, seemingly immortal, he waits in vain
for his one true love, and it’s driven him insane

She left him heartbroken, no backward glance
She left him without pity, no second chance
Little did she know, he knew where she’d gone
he’s waiting for vengeance, her only child lives on

This child has grown. a young lady of means
she bought the house outright, totally unseen
She was excitedly viewing it, from top to bottom
BUT one door was locked,  a lost key forgotten

He waited for a chance to catch her alone
some friend had been there, now they’d gone,
As he heard her footsteps outside his room,
he whispered silently, “You’ll be with me soon”

I know no more of this unhappy tale
but the neglected house is again up ‘For sale’
Mayhap the Dark Room is still locked away
but could there be two who inhabit it today?

 

LadyP ©2010

My Buddy….

I’ve just tried and failed to do a poem about my Bess, but nothing will work, nothing sounds right, it was too syrupy, it just, well,  sounded…ridiculous

SO, I’ll just say these words,

When I first had ownership of a small bundle of black and white fur of 8 weeks old, I had no idea how my life would be turned upside down. My home and garden too, if I’m perfectly honest.
My first and only dog, ..my own, she was dependant on me and my then husband of course, but she was my idea and therefore my responsibility.  We’ve been through so much, the joys of owning a dog, having a sidekick, someone like Bess, who just makes life worth living.  Alright I admit, I have called her :- trouble, fun, joy, love, heartache, pain and last of all ‘someone’ of whom I will say has increased my joy in day to day living. To wake up of a morning (6 o’clock for walkies) and see her, ever ready for play  (Ughh)…her eyes, asking all the while .’What are we doing today  ..eh? eh?’ …Her ability to change your mood from sadness to a smile as she tries to bury the glove you lost, the sock you’ve been missing for ages, the way she barks at the Freezer, an old enemy, it’s the cold air perhaps?  who knows…and the ‘under the feet’ syndrome, as you’re walking into a room, ‘where are we going?’ turns into a howl, from you, as she’s tries to beat you to the back door, maybe to try and find something interesting outside.  eh?  ‘Are we?’

Most of all, this larger, older bundle of black and white fur, is in my heart, she makes me cry when she’s not well, she makes me laugh when we play, and she is my buddy…The years are getting on, the grey hairs are coming, (Bess not me!!  Hmmff), and she’s showing her age, slowing down a bit, not much but just enough to show the years.  I love you, Bess, I love you loads…I never, ever thought about the end of this partnership of ours, but it will come and I don’t know what I’ll do without you.  For now, as I carry you up the stairs you used to take in a few bounds (Osteoarthritis), as you bark to be let out and I watch you slowly make your way into the garden, (one changed over the years from orderly to dog -friendly, a mess really!)..I wonder how I’ll cope..but I will. sadder and lonelier than I’ve ever felt before…but I would not wish to have missed out on your company, your wet nose on my bare feet and most of all you..

  .. MY Buddy..

 

Apologies for being sentimental..She’s was ill this week..and it’s been a bit traumatic…But she is better, and I hope and pray she stays that way, for a long while to come.. (she’s 13)

 

LadyP x

For Love?…

For all the tall tales that have ever been told,

For all the sad reasons of the tale telling,

For all the lives touched by lies grown so old,

For all the lovers, betrayed,  left with tears welling

 

For this is how lies twist a life with such pain

For this is how love is lost through lies spun

For this is sad truth, as faith dies with no gain

For this being Life, Love has ended, No-one's won,

 

Though the jealousy owning the liar fades and dies

Though it has seen the star crossed lovers are done

what happens when love fades?..why even through lies

Could the liar and the spurned lover ever be as one?

 

LadyP © 2010