Self Talking…

 

There’s a reason for the thrumming 
I hear constantly in my head,
There’s a reason for the thoughts
at least it shows I’m not dead
so when the voice that’s there
sometimes leads me astray
like a naughty companion
present each and every day
I know full well it’s only me,
thinking thoughts in my brain
sometimes serious, sometimes funny,
sometimes making me wonder if I’m quite sane
for talking to myself
every now and again.
Is it normal, is it natural
does sanity hold the key?
I ask myself the question,
and the only one who answers is me…

LadyP© 2011

MY thanks to everyone for your good wishes and thoughts about my girl, Bess. For the past week or so I’ve been reading up online trying to find out any information I could re:- kidney disease and how to counteract it. High protein diet, for one, and I’ve also been told about Cranberry supplement, for the Urinary tract,  plus so many other tips from the local pet shop and friends and family. Today was the first time that Bess looked at all like herself, no pain, eyes bright and totally focused whilst playing, (just a small amount Arlene. xx).. and I know that the future may be rocky but she’s steady for now.  So Bess is happy and relaxed, therefore my ex and I are feeling that way too.  For now my fingers have relaxed from their constant ‘crossed’ position, and I am learning so much more about how to cope for the future… Again my thanks to everyone, you have helped enormously with your good wishes.  So, hugs and woofs from me and Bess… xPenx

Alarm & Bess…

 

 

Eyes
watch the dial,
eyes on the time
I don’t know why
I wait for the chime,
to say its time to get out of bed
I wake first, as the alarm seems in my head…

LadyP © 2011

 

This past week has been very, very painful to live through, on finding out from the vets that Bess’s blood test on Tuesday showed that she has possible Kidney failure. They took her off her usual painkillers (as they were not recommended to be taken with this disease) but they did not think to replace them with any other meds. So from Tuesday ‘til Friday she was steadily going downhill by losing her ability to walk at all with her Osteoarthritis. I rang the vets and got an appointment on Friday to talk over the results and to find out why she couldn’t have any pain relief. They suggested Steroids but needed to check with the manufacturers to make sure they were ok to be taken with Bess’s problems.

This was Friday, and on Saturday morning Bess’s left front leg could not be moved without causing her instant pain.   We called the vet as soon as the surgery opened on Saturday morning, 9 0’clock, and had to wait for her to have a free slot to talk to us. My ex is a rock at the moment and he answered the phone when she finally rang at 11 o’clock, giving the ok , and ex went to fetch the pain killers. She’s been on them since Saturday morning and enough to say that this morning she was playing ball and staggering around barking at me tidying the garden.  My girl is no longer in pain, and although I know the road ahead is not going to be smooth,  until she has no quality of life left we will work through every pitfall.

I must admit that on Saturday morning I sat with her in my arms, watching as she was a tight ball of pain, and crying my eyes out as I was so helpless to do anything, waiting and praying for the vet to ring us with news about the Steroids, and both my ex and myself were wondering about asking for the final Injection,  to ease her suffering.  I have an almost hatred of Vets at the moment, at their seeming uncaring, unthinking attitude. We pay for a high degree of care, and Bess’s records show she needs pain killers, so why was she left without them for so long, and why was it left to us to ask for them?

We have another appointment tomorrow,  and we have to take a Urine sample with us, ( games ahead trying to catch her at it!!)  but hopefully the sample will show good results.  My fingers are crossed so , so tightly…

Which is why I thought I’d better let you know why I haven’t updated, and also why I haven’t been able to answer comments and visit anyone’s blogs.

I‘m lucky in that I can work from home, and my ex will help too. I would ask that you please pray for my girl, and may I thank you in advance for reading this, as I know I’m wittering on, but it has been almost a cathartic way of getting rid of the pain and feeling of helplessness inside.

LadyP… 2011